Adamah - 'She's a Filapina? None of my business, of course, but this wasn't a relationship/marriage arranged over the internet by any chance, was it?' Nice comment. Talk about racial stereo-typing. No we met socially in Hong Kong. It is amazing how often I have to put up with these narrow-minded comments. As for your allegation of being controlling for taking the passports - What would you do when faced with the threat of coming home to find your wife had absconded with your child and all the difficulty involved in having to try for child custody if that happened. If she makes the threat, what I am supposed to do? I see it as being prudent. It is not an option to follow and live in the Philippines - what I do for a living I cannot do there.
Frazzled UBM
JoinedPosts by Frazzled UBM
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57
oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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Frazzled UBM
Thanks for all your advice. Just for clarification I have read one of Steve Hassan's books. I understand the theory and I ahve used some oththe techniques he suggest - it is just difficult to put into practice all the time. Remaining silent about the idiocy of what the WBTS propagates is incredibly difficult - so occasionally it bubbles out as TTATT elder and nonjwspouse corroborate. The fact that she won't talk to me about it of her own volition means that I tend to get quite animated when I do unload. Also the fact that she is so secretive about it is why I went and found the study article because I suspected she wouldn't readily talk to me about what the study had been about but fff I do take your point about her privacy and your suggestion that that might be one reason she was upset.
I feel personal disappointment that she won't trust my judgement on this stuff and instead mistakenly puts her trust in 8 crusty old egomaniacs in Bethel. So I have a deep sense of personal grievance. And I found the stuff on higher education insulting and I have sent my wife a follow-up email quoting the paragraphs in the WT Study adn from the March 2012 letter to elders to show her why I was upset.
I am not inclined to seek help from Steve Hassan because I am not entirely convinced of his methods (I find his books to be almost a form of personal marketing) and I suspect he will be very expensive with no guarantee of success.
I have sent flowers and am demonstrating contrition. I have to try harder to resist the urge to unload and perhaps need to spend less time reading about the latest WBTS outrage on JWN. I iwll go back to doing those things that you all recommend to spend time with her and lure her away from spending time with the congregation. The point about it being a social thing for her is a good one as she has ex-neighbours and ex-school mates from back in the Philippines in the congregation which gives her a readymade community here in London and these are the people who pull her back in if she misses too many meetings.
I think the thing about taking my son back to the Philipines was an empty threat and I quickly put the passports in safe keeping (but did not move the money out of the joint account she has acces to - even though I was tempted to do so). I hope she realizes this would be a tremendously negative thing for her and my son but I can see how when the cult personality takes over and worries that our son will not be baptized that she has these crazy thoughts.
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oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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Frazzled UBM
DD and BOTR - thanks for your support. I know I am on solid ground in my criticism of the organisation's doctrine re higher eduction and I sent a follow-up email pointing to the language (courtesy of a post here about the WT study) to exploain why I felt insulted by it. Unfortuantely my victory in the realm of logic counts for nothing in the battle with the organisation to win the hearts and minds of my wife. In that regard it was a tactical and strategic disaster. So now I am taking stock and trying to devise a new and improved strategy along the lines proposed by Ding and just hoping that I have not screwed things up irrevocably.
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Sighhhhhhhh, the Draw Close to Jehovah book again for the Congregation Bible Study.
by Stand for Pure Worship incheck out this gem from the dec 2013 km which explains why it's good to over this book a second go round.. "congregations previously considered this book during 2004 and 2005. however,for many of the approximately two million publishers who have come into the truth since then,this will be the first time that jehovahs endearing qualities have been discussed in detail.for those who studied the book before, the review will help them to deepen their appreciation forjehovahs attributes.ps.119:14".
i gotta kick out of this because i can only think of maybe two or three new ones in our congregation who weren't present when this book was first studied.
at the same time, going over jehovah's qualities isn't something new.
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Frazzled UBM
Reviewing Jehovah's qualities according to the WBTS - jealous vindictive manipulative psychopathic mass murderer.
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oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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Frazzled UBM
Thanks Gayle - I have won the battle of hearts and minds with my son - he and I both don't want him to go to the KH. Because we have a lot of one on one time together we have a close bond. We do lots of fun things togehter, particualrly on Sundays. I think this is one of the reasons my wife is thinking about taking him to the Philippines - to get him away from my influence! But he will resist going with her I think.
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oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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Frazzled UBM
Thanks all for your support.
jgnat - unfortunately the special Filipino service is at 5 pm so she goes off when I take my son to rugby on Sunday morning and she is away all day. You are absolutely right about her being pulled in diffferent directions and is very confused and stressed. I ahd been making real progress with her and now in one bungling mistake I have set progress back markedly. Such an idiot!
LisaRose - I knew I have screwed up as soon as the sobbing started. I wished I could take it all back but it was too late. Unfortunately I have always had a low tolerance for BS and what the WBTS propagates is much worse than that. I get so angry at those manipulative bastards. I have to find some way of expressing my anger at them not at her. This website is good and bad - it allows me to vent but it feeds by indignation.
I know I will have to eat humble pie and relent but silence is so difficult.
nonjwspouse - I read your post and yes we are in the same place - my best wishes to you in your struggle
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oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard
by Frazzled UBM inreading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.
i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.
i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
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Frazzled UBM
Reading all the posts on the WT Study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday. I have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my JW wife and son. I was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on Sunday for the second Sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.
So the thought that she was spending her time away from my son and me being indoctrinated with that rubbish made me a bit crazy. But most of all I fgound it insulting - insulting to suggest that Satan had inspired me to sutdy hard and work hard through my career. So when I got home I checked her bag and found the Study (I couldn't read it because it was in Tagalog) all underlined and with writing int he margin. So I confronted her "you are the beneficiary of my higher education, why didn't you get offended by this!" Yet again her loyalty was to the organisation, not to me.
She claimed they just said you can do it but only if it doesn't impact on 'spiritual' work. I pointed out this would never be the case and that the purpose was to maintain the ignorance of Witnesses to make them easy to control as higher education developed critical thinking. I think after months of staying silent I had reached my limit and let her have it with both barrels. Not good. Sobbing for an hour or so followed by the cult personality in all its glory with threats of taking my son to the Philipines (I have put the passports in safe keeping) to have a quiet life. I told her if she did that she would ruin his life. Sleeping on the sofa and not talking to me. These episodes are a quarterly occurrence but this was worse than any previously. I ahve been apologising but this was water off a duck's back. I am very concerned about what might happen next. I think I will need to take a break from reading the posts here because when I read the idiotic stuff the organisation does it makes me so frustrated that I can't get through to her. I am bereft.
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Just caught my 7 yr old watching 'Calebs Aeroplane' think I overreacted
by not bitter inat least i think thats what its called.
she was watching it at my parents house just now.
i asked what she was watching on my mums tablet and mum said whilst laughing 'oh sorry but she wants to watch bible stories' then all i heard was something about jehovah and keeping rooms tidy.
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Frazzled UBM
Your were right - you must have strict zero tolerance otherwise they slip something else in later and that will legitimize WBTS propaganda - I also have a 7 year old and I adopt a zero tolerance approach with my wife which has been successful. do not underestimate teh insidiousness of WBTS propaganda. All the best and remember protecting yoru kids from indoctrination must be yoru highest priority! Merry Xmas
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My Story
by Brother Mike inmy story is long, heart stopping, tragic, and puzzling.
since i posted what was said to be my last post, i received a private message which sparked my attention about the watchtower.
immediately i did research, and have found not only proof from outside sources, but the watchtower openly admitting it.
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Frazzled UBM
Brother Mike
Welcome back. I am glad you followed up on the PM to read the information you were directed to. Good for you for being open-minded particularly in the face of some pretty tough responses to your cult post when you said 'No Apostates'. So good for you. All the best as you kick start your critical faculties.
Cheers
Fraz
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so happy today!!
by XstuckX ini'm married with small children.
my wife and i both born-in and baptized jws.
i began my slow drift about a year ago.
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Frazzled UBM
Congrats - great that you and the missus were of one mind - enjoy the holiday season and Merry Xmas - as others said - dive in and enjoy Xmas as much as possible - the kids will love it! You can sort the serious stuff later.